It's time to start doing this again. I actually like having an online journal so to speak, because it takes up less space on the book shelf. Also I don't have 6 journals with one entry in each. Most of my adult life has been a pattern of me getting excited about the latest and greatest, then quiting when things got tough. I'm sure has some medical term for this kind of behavior, I call it "Chicken". During my formative years, I developed some kind of twisted though process, and concluded that life should be easy. Relationships should never have to be burdens. People should always like you. If something went wrong, it meant I didn't do something right. I missed a step somewhere and blew it. Or worse, I blamed it on other people or circumstances. Change those people and/or circumstances and "Ta-da", everything would be okay again.
As a Christ follower of 10 years now, I still have that little bent to feel that way about life. What I have learned as a Christian, is that no one gets an easy out. Life is tough and we can't control the stuff that happens to us, we can only control our roll in life. I can remember running out on my first wife and blaming her for all the problems we were having , while I was preparing to move on to wife number two. What kinda crap was that? Looking back, all I needed was to look at myself and realize, "hey dummy life is tough, relationships have problems, work on it!" I didn't have a support system of people I trusted to give me good counsel. I know that the first time I knew God had put a call on my life to be a Worship Leader I thought ministry was cake. I thought you just got in front of people and sang to Jesus. How hard can that be. I guess I liked the "worship" part and not the "leader" part of the ministry. I almost quit. Then God kinda let me know that I was His, not my own anymore. I really felt like I was in the Holy Ghost Maffia. Ya know, I "knew too much", to just be let go. I learned that you can't quit God. He never quits on us, and once you have tasted His goodness, dude, you just have no other options but grab that plow and keep going.
It's hard to believe sometimes that I've been used in ministry this long. I'm not educated in the halls of higher learning. There are no initials following my name other than Sr. A shout out my son, Big Woj, who has Jr. after his name!! I have stayed on the journey and done what my master has asked. I have enjoyed blessings and hardships along the way. I am glad to say that I have not quit. I have wanted to, but in the end, I always remember my life patterns before Christ. My mentor and dear friend Mike Richardson, used to and still does, tell me "Finish strong.". We used to talk about Paul and Joshua who finished strong. Then we would look at those that didn't finish strong, but made some choices that haunted them until the died.
I guess I'm just saying that quiting because things look bad, or maybe because the grass is greener is mentally challenged...okay retarded thinking. I have some close friends who are blowing it with their wives for stupid reasons. It reminds me of me back in the day. I just won't let them screw it up without a fight from me. That's what I needed back then, someone to kick me in the teeth. Bam!
Panera Bread on a Wednesday Afternoon - *I have been absent online however not absent in my writing. I have many things I am intending on posting in the near future. I thought I would post this n...
7 years ago